In the past week, Mom has been declared “homebound” by Medicare and her Medicare gap insurer. That designation was initiated by my call to Visiting Physicians Association to ask that a doctor come to our house to see her rather than taking her to a doctor’s office. And why did I do that? Because leaving the house is becoming more unsettling for Mom.
I talked about it in a post in February. Over the past 10 months, Mom and I have made many trips to the store, restaurants, and more and she enjoyed so much of it. Recently, however, those trips are no longer enjoyable. She enjoys the thought of going but the actuality does not meet the expectation. Quite often, the trips cause disturbing results as her mind gets going with disjointed memories.
Yesterday we visited an adult day care. I thought that, although she doesn’t do well on trips, that she might enjoy seeing others her age and doing some simple activities –just once a week. She has enjoyed a visit each month with the Activities Director at our local hospital where I go to the Alzheimer’s Support Group.
We took a short tour through the facility which is a part of the highest rated nursing home in the area. When asked by the nurse if she would like to join them sometimes, Mom came up with a story that because of this and this – pointing to her head and her chest – a man told her she should just stay home. She sat quietly while the nurse and I talked and we left. The visit went without incident but her normal afternoon agitation rose to a new level!
Oh my goodness! I didn’t see it coming! Evidently the visit dredged up memories of Daddy going in the nursing home, selling our farm where we had lived for 20 years and Mom moving into my brother’s. It was obvious that the memories were disturbing – she lost her husband at that time! My husband and I spent the evening reassuring her and settling her as much as possible. Her night was somewhat disturbed and today she told me, “I just want to stay home.” She wanted assurance that I would too and light touches and hugs seem to settle her.
I can definitely understand that a stay at home mom who never drove and therefore spent almost all of her time at home would feel more comfortable at home at this stage of her dementia.
As I’ve said before though, respite is critical for the caregiver. In addition, those trips to the store and the bank, etc., still have to happen. Consequently, I’ll ask the help of our Visiting Angel to come in a few hours midweek to give me the chance to do those things while keeping Mom safe at home in her comfort zone.
Our lives change as her dementia progresses but the goal is still to keep Mom comfortable and happy until God is ready to take her home.
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