Friday, March 4, 2011

Life and Attitude – The 10% and the 90%

I’ve talked in previous posts about keeping a positive attitude in spite of the frustrations involved in caregiving.  It’s a topic that comes up quite often on the caregiver forums.  It’s actually a very HOT topic!
Some caregivers communicate everything in loving terms as if they are walking on clouds all the time.  They love their charges and talk only of the careful and loving ways in which they care for them. 
There are also those of the opposite extreme.  They may be doing all the care in a loving manner but meanwhile they are a pot simmering on the stove and ready to boil over!  Thankfully, they have the forums to spew those horrible feelings they have inside that they don’t express to their charges.
When caregivers from both sides get going on the forums, they quickly stray from the original topic and begin sniping at each other about which attitude is correct.  The truth is that they are both doing the job; they just handle stress and frustration differently.
Me, I’m in the middle.  I am a naturally positive person, probably because Daddy and Mom were positive people.  Daddy, who died of Alzheimer's in 1988 at the age of 71, was known for his "Never Worry" motto.  I really have to try hard to come up with even one instance of him being angry - at least until the AD was in full swing.  Mom was also a pretty happy sort.  There is only one time in my life that I ever saw a tear in her eye - she just wasn't the emotional type.
Maybe because of my upbringing, I fully believe Charles Swindoll’s quote, “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.”
On the flip side of my positive attitude is the reality of the situation – something the caregivers all have to come to terms with when caring for someone with any form of dementia.  The reality:  the situation will not get better nor will it stay the same.  It will progressively get worse.  I had an advantage when I took on this challenge since we had been through it with Daddy.  I knew over time I would watch Mom’s decline.
The decline is most obvious when I have both Mom and my two year old grandson together.  Sometimes it’s exasperating but for the most part funny as I try to communicate with either or both and understanding is diminishing in Mom and still slowly building in Anthony.  They both repeat their questions over and over – Mom because she forgets she asked and Anthony because, I think, he didn’t like the answer the first time.  J  Then again… maybe Mom didn’t like the answer sometimes either!

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