The thoughts that float through an Alzheimer’s/dementia mind can be very funny and sometimes the hardest part is keeping a straight face so you don’t cause upset.
Mom used to tell us stories about the things Daddy would say and do. I know initially it had to be difficult for Mom to accept but when she told the stories, she always conveyed the humor of the situation rather than distress.
There was the time that Daddy was looking high and low for his binoculars and Mom got involved in the search. They couldn’t find them anywhere! A few days later, Mom watched as Daddy walked to the sliding glass door, lifted up his binoculars and began to look at the birds. When Mom asked Daddy where he found them, he gave her a puzzled look and said, “In the closet in the den.” In his mind, there had not been a search, they were always there!
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| Daddy - well into Alzheimer's in the summer of 1985 but still functioning. At the end of 1986 he went into the nursing home and finally passed in January 1988. |
I love the stories, too, of the situations and conversations when Daddy forgot Mom. There was the time when Daddy walked up behind when Mom was doing the dishes and asked her if she was paid to do that. Another time, Mom was sitting at her desk paying the bills as she had done throughout her married life. Daddy walked up and, obviously concerned, said, “Does my wife know you’re handling that money? You shouldn’t be doing that!”
“Does my wife know” came up another time when Mom had put Daddy to bed then later laid down on her side of the bed. You can imagine! Daddy looked at her and said, “Does my wife know you’re here?” Mom assured him that, “Yes, she does.”
Knowing about these situations with Mom and Daddy probably helped me when taking care of my daughter after her seizures. Right after a seizure, conversations were fun – think of someone coming out of anesthesia and the things they might say or do. J The good news of that situation, though, was that I truly felt my daughter’s love at those times. She did know who I was and was always so glad I was there. Unfortunately, dementia doesn’t always provide the same loving situations.
On a daily basis, Mom says or does something that might distress some. I choose to keep my face straight but look at it from the funny side and I’m lucky to have my husband and children doing the same.
Today I’ve already been told that there is a man that has been sleeping in Mom’s bed – but only at night! She says that he sleeps on one side and she sleeps on the other. All I can think is that they must be quite cozy because it’s a twin bed and I hope Daddy doesn’t mind! J
Just a bit ago, after walking through the house looking at things, Mom came in my office and sat down. She said, “I appreciate you being here. Before you came here, it was a mess.” I know that right now, I’m the “lady who works here”. J
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