I yelled at her...

I hate to admit it but I’m one for full disclosure.  I’ve done it before in the past 10 months but only a few times.  It’s important, I think, for everyone to know that it can happen.

I could say that it happens because she is hard of hearing and doesn’t wear a hearing aid.  That would only be partially true because under normal circumstances I have to speak loudly and directly to her – something I would also consider yelling.  My husband and my children all speak very loudly – I blame my husband’s booming voice for that J - but I typically laugh loud but talk at a normal tone.  It’s yelling for me when I know that there is frustration behind it. 

On Saturday, we put her through the upheaval again of having my 10 year old granddaughter and my 2½ year old grandson, better known as Hurricane, for the night.  As I’ve said in a past post, we must make this work because I’m not willing to give up my children and grandchildren.  They are all in this wonderful stage of life, ranging in years from 2 ½ to 14.

Hurricane and Great Grandma discussing the rain.

Our afternoon was moving along fine even though I forgot to put Hurricane down for his nap.  He was playing so well it just totally slipped my mind!  As we were approaching dinner time, he was still playing well even as I made dinner but he had toys laid here and there about the house.

Dinner time coincides with the typical time that those with dementia experience sundowners.  That time of day seems to agitate them and Mom has a tendency to be on the move then and often watches me cook dinner.

Given that the grandkids were having a blast chasing each other, I asked Mom to please sit down so that they could play without worry of knocking her over.  I also admonished the kids to be careful.

Her compliance didn’t last long and she was up walking down the hall.  Upon her return to the kitchen, she bent over to pick up toys that Hurricane had left there.  They were already off to the side and I asked her to please leave them alone because he was playing.  She then walked around to the dining room where she bent to pick up other toys that were also pushed back in the corner out of the way.

In the midst of making dinner, I once again asked her to please leave them alone!  She groused a bit but turned toward her recliner in the TV room and I stepped back to my cooking.

Twice in less than 30 seconds I had asked her to leave the things alone.  In less than another 10 seconds, I glanced up from my cooking and realized that she wasn’t in her chair.  Sure enough, she was further in the room trying to pick up the heavy lid of the toy box!  I called, “Mom!” several times but it was as if I wasn’t there.  I stepped over and yelled, “Mom, stop!” to get her attention.  I continued yelling when I asked her to PLEASE leave the things alone and just sit down!

I knew it was shocking for everyone when my husband came out to see what was happening and both grandchildren were standing there staring.

I felt so bad but what was done was done.  Mom sat down, the kids continued to play, we ate dinner and the evening went well.  Mom and I even shared a hug after I helped her with her window blind.  Thankfully, Mom’s memory issues help when I make a mistake.  Even though my concerns were for Mom’s safety, I overreacted, and for the children’s sake I have to learn from this lesson.