Sunday, March 13, 2011

Decline – Sometimes achingly rapid, sometimes achingly slow…

Mental decline in Alzheimer’s/dementia is the disease.  The other physical ailments that go along with it such as pneumonia are not a symptom of the disease but can, in fact, be the cause of death.  The mental decline, however, is the tragedy of the life lost.
Over the last 10 months, I’ve watched a slow progression of the disease in Mom.  There are times when the decline seems rapid but when you look back, you realize changes were taking place over time and they just didn’t stand out. 
Up until recently, my husband was the center of our world.  Mom was raised in a time that the man of the house was the breadwinner and the wife kept the home and the children.  Her thoughts were all about “taking care” – of Daddy and us kids, of my oldest brother and his family, and finally, although I am in charge, she was concerned about “taking care” of my husband.
Recently, Mom’s world is shrinking.  I’ve often compared her to a toddler but as time goes by, a toddler’s world expands to include more than baby and mommy.  With Mom, it is the opposite.  Her world is shrinking to include just her and me.
In this change, my husband and others are quite often unfamiliar.  The change can happen in a matter of seconds.  I’m sure my brother can identify with that from his time living with Mom and Daddy.  It was at him that Daddy suddenly started yelling to get away from him, that he was going to call the police, that he was going to call his “son” – his son who was actually right there in front of him.  Just seconds before, Daddy had been sitting in the car with my brother and all was well.
This week, the gradual shrinking of her world has become evident.  She yelled at my husband, “You can’t talk to me like that!”, “I have family you know!” and “I’m getting out of here!”  That was just one morning but she has been argumentative with him every day whether he says anything or not.
Yesterday I was the one to set her off and the conversation was hilarious.  Our Visiting Angel arrived and I told Mom that my husband and I were leaving to take our camper for service.  She didn’t comprehend what I was saying even though I kept speaking more loudly and distinctly.  She argued that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she didn’t want to live in that thing, and that she didn’t want to spend money – none of which was at all relevant to what I was saying.  I finally gave her a kiss, told her we would see her later and we left.
Things are changing, sometimes it seems rapid but then again, it’s not.  I’m now waiting for the day that she doesn’t recognize me at all.  It will come; it’s just a matter of when.  Meanwhile, we just keep adjusting to the most recent change.  Now our hallway gate has an extension on it so no more army-crawling soon to be 95 year olds in our house! 

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