It Takes a Village

Years ago, Hillary Clinton wrote a book entitled It Takes a Village about how others beyond parents impact a child’s wellbeing.  I think the same could be said for the elderly!

This thought hit me today because a friend sent a funny e-mail about a husband who answered a phone and proceeded to tell a wife that she could have all the things she was telling him she wanted to buy.  It was only after the conversation that you find that the phone did not belong to that particular husband.  I, of course, got a nice laugh from the joke and then thought about my husband.  Although the outrageous requests in the joke don’t in any way reflect a conversation in our lives, the premise of giving the wife everything she wants is definitely at work in our home.

During the few weeks last year before we moved Mom into our home, I was traveling an hour each way to and from my brother’s house to stay with Mom during the day.  There was one day that I had an obligation so we thought Mom would probably be okay alone until I arrived.  By the time I got there, my grandniece had already arrived and found Mom had been outside and fallen down.  We were very lucky.  Mom was not badly hurt but definitely gave my grandniece a scare – something we were trying to avoid.

That night my wonderful husband suggested that we move Mom to our house where we could keep an eye on her 24x7.  Within a week, we rearranged our home to accommodate her and the move was accomplished.

Since that time, it has been a steady progression of “fixing things” as issues arise.  When it became obvious that Mom’s dementia was causing inappropriate behavior in the bathroom, he installed locks on the bathroom cabinets for sanitary and safety concerns.  After quite a few interrupted showers, a half bath downstairs was turned into a full bath so that Mom would have access to the upstairs bathroom at all times.  Mom’s nightly wandering created the need for a gate at the end of the hallway to keep her safe during the night.  When she figured out how to open that child’s gate, he installed a half door with a keyed deadbolt.  At the same time, he installed a lock on my office door so that we can control her access to that room.  Most recently he completed the installation of a half door with a keyed deadbolt at the steps to keep her from going down them unattended.

All the things he has done have made it easier for “the village” to care for her.  That village includes me, her main caregiver, and those wonderful folks that give me the opportunity to get time for myself along the way – my daughters, my sister and the Visiting Angel that now comes on a regular basis.

My husband is a big part of that village – in fact; I could not do this without him!