How Long Will This Last?

Someone asked me recently if I ever get tired of being a caregiver.  I gave a perfectly honest answer.  Yes, there are times when I wonder how long this will last; when I will be able to get back to a normal life.  I love my mother and I’m doing this because I can but through this experience I have learned that I don’t ever want my children to have to do this.

Being a caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia progressively limits your freedom as time passes.  Mom lived with my brother for 24 years and he was able to go to work each day but over time, her presence in his home created more and more complications.  First there was the move out of her downstairs apartment into two rooms on the main floor because she could no longer do stairs by herself.  Locks were put on doors and signs were put up reminding her not to go outside after she fell down and broke her arm. 

We began to feel that she needed someone around during the day but it still appeared that she was handling her day to day functions on her own.  It wasn’t until I was with her all day that it became apparent her functioning was not what we thought it was.  That is often the case with the elderly who live alone.  You may not realize the truth of the situation until you are actually with them as they go through their daily activities.

Her mental decline has continued since I began caring for her.  We used to take little drives every day to pick up milk, bread, or some other small item.  Now the trips are fewer, not just because it has been winter but also because it is more confusing for her and getting ready for the trip can be a trial.  We spend more and more time within our four walls.  That has an impact on both of us.  I can see the boredom overtake her at times as she sits and looks out the window.

For me, I especially miss the spontaneity of my life before I began this chapter of it.  My husband and I were empty nesters and would hop in the car at a moment’s notice to go do this or that.  We often joked about my husband not being able to stay at home for a 24 hour stretch – he just had to go somewhere!  In addition, we went camping two weekends a month between March and October, sometimes more, and took week long vacations in February and November.

We do still have plans to get away one weekend each month and we are very thankful for my wonderful sister who stays with Mom while we are away.  The spontaneity of our life is lost for now – as I sit here contemplating the need to go to the grocery store and everything involved in managing that trip.

Am I sorry I embarked on this journey?  No.