Go or Stay Home?

I recently threw a question out on the Alzheimer’s forum because I have been tossing it back and forth in my mind.  I asked, “How do I know when it is time to just keep her home?”

Mom spent the majority of the last 10 years at home at my brother’s.  She went to family gatherings and my sister would take her to the store every so often but otherwise she spent each day at home.  When we moved her down here with us, I started taking her everywhere with me – the store, visits to friends and family, walks outside.  She enjoyed the opportunities to get out although she never was keen on waiting if I had to “shop”.

Lately it seems that she still wants to “go” but there is always a lot of harrumphing about putting on gloves and a scarf to keep warm.  She always thinks it’s warmer than it is and if I don’t make her put them on, then she harrumphs that it is “so cold”.

I find that once we go, she wants to come back home.  She’s okay at the grocery store as long as we move through quickly and she enjoys going to Max & Erma’s although they better not dawdle with the food!  Those situations aside, it’s visiting that creates the biggest problem.

Last week we delivered a scale to my in-laws.  Mom and Dad, 86 and soon to be 89 respectively, are fighting various health problems.  Mom has been fighting horrible dizziness for months now and has to use a walker while the doctors try to figure out what is causing it – in addition to her chronic condition of lymphedema and history of TIA.  Dad, with a past of cancer and heart bypass, was diagnosed with diabetes a few months ago.  In spite of these issues, Mom is chomping at the bit to get back to the gym to do her exercises and they both are looking forward to a trip south in March to visit two of their sons and daughters-in-law.

We sat down to visit for a bit and my mother-in-law filled us in on what’s been happening and what they are looking forward to.  Mom sat there quietly – she doesn’t appear that she comprehends much of what is said and she doesn’t try to converse.  At one point, my mother-in-law tried to draw her into the conversation and Mom proceeded to tell her that she (my mom) is 104 and has trouble talking.  Mom is 94 but quite often will tell people that she is “100 after all” as if that explains everything.

I knew our time was growing short as Mom started clearing her throat and giving little coughs while staring at me.  If I looked directly at her, she would ask when we were going to leave.  Finally, after assuring her a few times that we would leave soon, she just said, “Can we go home now?”

So, go or stay home?  The jury is still out and I’ll just play it by ear for now.