Elderly – Stay at Home or Nursing Home?

Taking care of Mom has given me reason to contemplate the future.  As I said in my last post, while I’m glad to have taken on Mom’s care, I have no desire to have my children do the same for me.  I don’t think Daddy had this situation in mind for the future either.

Grandma and Grandpa - that smile is what I always remember when I think of Grandpa!

When I was little, I had a wonderful grandma and grandpa that lived close by in a house that Daddy and Grandpa built on a small bit of land that had a pond.  I have wonderful memories of going to their house with the little jar of redhots sitting on the big old radio right inside the front door and the brass candy dish on their buffet that always had some kind of chocolate candy in it.  Chocolate stars were my favorite but sometimes they had nonpareils (snowcaps to some) that Grandpa liked.  If we happened to be there in the evening, we shared their nightly ice cream with them!  I can also remember helping Grandpa feed corn to the ducks that visited the pond and the walk around the pond with the little bridge that crossed the creek.  I loved it there and I loved my grandma and grandpa.

Me, my four sibs and cousins in front of Grandma and Grandpa's house.  I'm in my big brother's arms.

At some point as I was growing up, Grandma and Grandpa made the decision to move to Otterbein Retirement Home.  It was a wonderful place that gave Grandma and Grandpa a nice apartment to live in and the ability to socialize with their friends that were there, yet it also gave Grandpa, a talented handyman/tinkerer, a place to fix things in the workshop while he was still able.  As the years passed, their health and Grandpa’s memory declined.  They eventually moved through assisted living and finally into the 24x7 hospital type of care – the nursing home area.  My daddy took my children up to see them every week until Grandpa and Grandma died.

Daddy had plans to do the same before Alzheimer’s set in at such an early age.  He was only 61 when he retired from teaching and by the time he was 71, it had taken his life.  For years their name was on the list for Otterbein until Mom finally took her name off the list.  As I think about that, Mom had many friends at Otterbein and would have had the opportunity to be with them.  Instead, she chose to stay in my brother’s home.  She never drove a car so over the years she became more and more isolated as she eventually refused to leave the house for various reasons.

Being the youngest of five, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting back and watching what others have done before me and learning from it.  Now having taken on Mom’s care, I have learned another lesson.  I plan to do as my Grandma and Grandpa did and as Daddy had planned to do.  I want my children to be my children always and let someone else do the caregiving.