We had such a fantastic weekend away! We did learn one lesson – it’s probably not a good idea to eat Italian for lunch and Mexican for dinner at our age… J
While respite is much needed and much appreciated by a caregiver, returning sometimes brings its own set of issues. It seems the issues vary based on the length of time away and in some cases, the personality of the interim caregiver.
My most frequent help in taking care of Mom is my daughter, Jessie. Jessie is a stay at home mom with a wonderful husband and two growing boys. She is not new to caregiving but has spent the majority of time on the other side of the relationship. I spent many days, long nights and weeks taking care of her over the years because she has epilepsy. While she still deals with seizures, she loves her life as a wife and mother.
Definitely because of the epilepsy, Jessie has always needed to be in control. We always figured that she can’t control her brain and body so therefore she wants to control everything around her. That need comes in handy when she’s taking care of Mom. Jessie typically stays with Mom once a week over lunch time. The duration is short because she has to get back home before school lets out.
When Jessie walks in the door, she’s in charge! She makes Mom lunch and I think spends the rest of the time talking to her. I know Mom thoroughly enjoys the visits and part of it is probably that they actually talk! Jessie will carry on a conversation even when Mom is speaking gibberish! Since the length of time is short and Jessie is in control, there are no issues after her visit.
My sister also helps with Mom, typically once a month for a weekend or long weekend. Her stays have been 24x7 so she has to deal with a lot more than one meal with Mom. She has the most difficult job and consequently, Mom tries to test her independence with me when I return.
If you follow my blog, you have read about all the fun I have had getting Mom to cooperate with certain necessary activities such as bathing or changing clothes. It was a long road getting into a fairly quiet routine where Mom and I do what needs to be done with little fuss along the way.
Now imagine – every time my sister arrives for the weekend, the need to assert herself as the caregiver starts over from scratch! Oh, my poor sister! While I can walk into Mom’s room with Depend and socks in hand and say, “Let’s go do this!” and Mom just comes right along, my sister gets the response that I used to get, “I’ve been doing this all my life!” or “I’ve already done that!” when she hadn’t.
Even so, God love her, my sister keeps coming back! I asked her today about a weekend in February. Her response, “You’re killin’ me!” and then she wrote it down in her calendar. J
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