Alzheimer’s, Sex and Nursing Homes

Being the baby of the family, I think I had a different experience growing up than my siblings did.  The oldest three were already busy with school by the time I was born and when the fourth headed off to school; I still had three years alone with Mom before heading there myself.  Life continued that way with the older ones heading up and out and Mom and I were quite often alone together after I came home from school.  When I was a teenager, we used to watch Phil Donahue together and that generated many discussions on many different topics.  The best thing was that I was allowed to have my own opinion and Mom would discuss it with me, not try to make me see it her way.

Those open discussions may be why, when Daddy was taking his journey through Alzheimer’s, Mom just opened up to me one day and said that Daddy wanted to have intercourse every day and she was tired of it and didn’t know what to do.   At the time, I’m thinking “TMI” (too much information) but I didn’t say anything, just let her talk.  I certainly didn’t have an opinion on that subject because although I was married and already had two children, I was still in my early 20s and intercourse every day was just fine with me!

Talking seemed to help and I didn’t hear any more about it and it wasn’t long before Daddy went into the nursing home and could no longer remember how to walk, let alone think about having intercourse.

So here I am all these years later and Mom is now in an Alzheimer’s Assisted Living facility.  In her little world there are 11 residents, including Mom, all in varying conditions of the later stages of Alzheimer’s.  Six are women, one of whom uses a walker and one is chair/bed bound.   That leaves five men; one using a walker and two are chair/bed bound.

So what does that have to do with sex?  Well, there may not be anything near intercourse happening but it’s always good to remember that these folks have Alzheimer’s – they’re not dead!  It’s also good to remember that just because they have spouses, it doesn’t mean that they always remember that!

I have to say that the staff members at the facility are well aware and watch over their charges carefully.  One of the residents is a gentleman that may well be in that stage that Mom described to me years ago.  He has a wife but she is healthy and still lives at home so there are times when we’ll see him strolling with one of the other ladies holding hands.  It doesn’t last long though because the staff members are quick to remind both parties that they have spouses who wouldn’t appreciate it.  Some might wonder why make a big deal out of it but after Mom’s stories… hmmmm…

What about Mom?  Well, she just keeps telling everyone she’s getting married soon.  We haven’t met the guy but we’re hoping it’s Daddy – at least that’s who she was talking about today.  J