Losing Ground on Bathing and Changing Clothes OR Moving Mom into a nursing home doesn’t mean my caregiving days are over…

It’s amazing how quickly good habits gained can be lost in the move to a home – or even a different room in a home.

Mom and I had settled into an excellent working schedule when she lived here with me.  Monday was laundry day, Thursday she had a bath and clean clothes and I washed towels, Friday I changed the sheets on the beds and washed them and on Sunday she put on clean clothes again.  On a daily basis, I cared for her feet and took care of changing her Depends with no issue.  She dressed herself and made her bed each morning and changed to her nightgown on her own each night.

Unfortunately, we lost a lot of ground in the move to the assisted living facility.  Initially she was in the area that was assisted living but for those in far better mental shape than Mom.  She can fool people though and even with our normal schedule written out hour by hour, I think they thought she could handle more herself than she actually could.  I commented multiple times on her dirty hair – Mom has such beautiful white hair when it is washed once a week – but was assured that she was bathing.  Turns out that wasn’t the case, she was just fooling them.

When they finally stepped in, suddenly Mom had someone else trying to bathe her and she was back in the “I’ve been doing this all my life!  I can do it myself!” mode.  Arrrggghhhh!  She yelled at the aides and they backed off.  The person in charge of the aides, Gloria, finally began doing the bath herself and Mom was clean again.

Recently, Mom moved into the area of the home for those in the later stages.  At the same time, Gloria was on vacation.  For two weeks, Mom’s hair was dirty.  I asked and they would check the schedule and say that Mom would be bathed on this day or that.  In the last discussion, I finally learned about the fits Mom was throwing when they tried to do it.  Gloria was back from vacation that day and happened in on the conversation.  I offered to give Mom a bath but she assured me she would see to it that day.  As promised, Mom was bathed head to toe and I let Gloria know she was awesome!

Mom in her new room

Just as when Mom first moved into the home, Mom is not happy right now.  Yes, she was thrilled to have her room moved back there but with the move came other changes to her routine.  For example, the aides check on her during the night – not to wake her but just to see that she is okay.  Also, I had to remove her clothes from her room because she was changing them several times a day and mixing clean and dirty clothes together.  To think that just a year ago I was fighting with her to put on clean clothes!! 
Thankfully, I know that in spite of her grumpiness now, in a couple more weeks she will adjust to the change and won’t remember anything different.  At that point she will be happy again.

Meanwhile, I’ve learned that while Mom may not be living with me any longer, my caregiving days are not over.  I visit two to three times a week and work closely with the management and staff of the home to ensure everything is working well between Mom and her caregivers.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who feels that watching over Mom is important!