Visiting Your Alzheimer’s Loved One OR How to avoid that haunted visitor look…

Have you ever visited at a nursing home or assisted living facility and felt uncomfortable?  I see it in visitors’ faces quite often – even those close family members that visit their loved ones frequently.  It’s almost a combination of worried and harried.  They have smiles for their loved ones but their eyes show their smile is on the surface for the benefit of their loved one.

So many things cause that look.  Guilt because the loved one has been placed in a facility instead of keeping them home, uncertainty about how to communicate with the loved one who is losing the ability to put thoughts and sentences together, fear of the other residents of the facility because it appears they are not mentally capable of communication, and the list goes on.

When I see that look, I count my blessings because although I’ve never been comfortable in social situations, various things in my life have given me the ability to be comfortable in a nursing home. 

Being the youngest in the family, I spent more time than my siblings did with Mom and Daddy.  Daddy was always one to visit folks in the nursing home and I was right there with him.  Alzheimer’s appeared to be less of an issue back in those days because folks generally got sick before their minds went – it seems we live a lot longer now.

I felt so comfortable with the elderly that I took a job in a nursing home when my girls were little.  I helped in the kitchen and dining room and loved every minute with the residents because they all had their funny quirks that made them who they were.  For example, there was Gladys.  She would put her head on the dinner table and pretend to be asleep but if you got down and looked up at her face, her eyes were darting around to see if anyone was noticing.  J  She just wanted someone to put her in bed.

What can you do to be more comfortable?  Biggest thing – learn the names of both the staff and the residents and always greet them with words and a smile.  It’s even important to greet those residents that don’t look like they can communicate!  Don’t hesitate to ask them how their day is!  When dealing with Alzheimer’s, you never know what kind of an answer you might receive but that’s the fun.  It’s important to get to know the folks that live with and help your loved one so you can understand the dynamics of the atmosphere at the facility.

If at all possible, take part in the activities that are provided for the residents.  You may feel like taking your loved one to their room or away from the others and that’s fine for a bit but if your loved one sees you spending time doing the activities with the group, it makes them feel that you value the others in their life there at the home.

So what did I do today?  I greeted each and every resident when I arrived.  I found Mom alone in her room but brought her out to exercise with the group and we helped them make Rice Krispie Treats.  Mom was tired this morning but because I took part, she did also. 

I spent a few minutes alone with Mom before I had to leave but she was happy to go back to join the group.  They were listening to songs from the Sound of Music and I sang Edelweiss to Mom before I left.  She was all smiles as I kissed her goodbye and said goodbye to everyone.  We blew more kisses as I walked out the door – a happy visit for both of us!