tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86793107636574685562024-03-13T11:47:50.920-04:00Alzheimer's - Taking Care of MomDay to day experiences of caring for a parent with Alzheimer's or dementia.JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-8802501718006808352016-05-08T14:01:00.000-04:002016-05-08T14:01:36.425-04:00It sneaks up on you…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s that day that comes around once a year. Every year you
celebrate it in some way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When you’re little, you make a card and you’re so proud to
share it. You get into school and you write a little story that again you’re
proud to share.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As you get older there are more cards – possibly handmade or
maybe store bought as time goes by.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Even if you move to Montana as I did, it’s one of those very
special days when you make that long distance phone call that you know will add
to your phone bill. It’s a short call but it means so much on both ends of that
call.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Back in town again, it becomes cards and visits, maybe even
a weekend visit to really enjoy some quality time together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As the end draws near, the visits may be more one-sided as
you watch them doze in a chair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Through all those years – and dreadfully missed when you
live far away – it’s the hugs that are the best. That sinking into the arms of
the one who has held you close from the day you were born. The one whose
heartbeat you instinctively recognize from those months in the womb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then suddenly, it sneaks up on you. Mother’s Day. That day
that you have celebrated every year in one way or another because that person
has been there for you from the day you first met. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But that person is gone. That person can’t give you that
physical hug any more. That hug that you loved but didn’t fully realize how much you
loved until you could no longer have one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’ll live with just the memory of those hugs now and all of
the memories stored since that day I first met my mom.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Happy Mother’s Day Mom…</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-10814783290829098912016-03-07T10:42:00.000-05:002016-03-07T10:42:10.297-05:00Dancing in Heaven…<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today, on what would have been my daddy’s 100th birthday, I find myself contemplating life and death. Daddy’s life was short compared to Mom’s. He died at the age of 71 years, 10 months and 1 day while Mom lived to be 99 years, 7 months and 10 days – a difference of over 27 years and 9 months. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I think about it, I ask myself, “Was Daddy’s life any less than Mom’s just because of time? Was Mom’s more important to me because she was here longer? Was the impact of either of their lives on me any less because of the way they passed?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The answer to all three questions is no. It is my belief that we each come to this earth for a purpose. We may not remember that purpose while we are here but it is our destiny to fulfill it. We may not always listen to God’s guidance so we may cause it to take longer or others may exercise their free will and that may have an impact on timing of our purpose. It may take us years to complete or it may only take days, even moments. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The loss of a child has a huge impact on loving parents. It doesn’t matter if that child is lost through miscarriage before it is even born, lives to become a parent themselves, or any time in between. The loss to the parents is still heart wrenching and the pain can seem unbearable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The loss of a parent can also seem unbearable. I was blessed to have my parents for so long but I can’t help but think of the children that live through the loss of a mom or dad at a time when it seems impossible to go on without them. Twenty-eight years after Daddy died and now going on four months since Mom died, I still break down in tears at times, wishing they were here to talk to or get advice from when I need it and I am a fully grown adult with children and grandchildren of my own. If I struggle, how can a child understand?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I cannot speak from experience but can only imagine the devastation felt by those who realize their time here with their family is coming to an end. How do they say what they want to say? How do they reconcile themselves and their family to what is coming?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are no magic words to be said to take away the pain of those moving on and those then left behind but I will offer one that sustains me: Faith. I have faith that we are here for a purpose, faith that when we pass we will have fulfilled that purpose and faith that once we, or our loved ones, move on, it is to a better, happier place where we are with God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">About a month ago, in the midst of a dream, Mom briefly appeared to me. She came in the door with a shining smile on her face, took my face in her hands and kissed me. She turned and left. It was only an instant in the midst of a very strange dream about other things but she came through and, I believe, showed me she was happy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So today, on Daddy’s birthday, I see them dancing in heaven!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hFSMC1QfiVI/Vt2f4DMaAEI/AAAAAAAAcQc/bQ4paJgWAW8/s1600/Mom%2Band%2BDaddy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hFSMC1QfiVI/Vt2f4DMaAEI/AAAAAAAAcQc/bQ4paJgWAW8/s320/Mom%2Band%2BDaddy.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the outfit Mom wore in my dream and her smile was more radiant than this!</td></tr>
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JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-16174787058673713552015-12-13T13:51:00.000-05:002015-12-13T14:01:18.430-05:00What I didn’t say…<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last night we had a beautiful memorial service for Mom. Although I planned it, it was beautiful because of those that executed it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My daughter, Jessie, spent endless hours going through photos and music to create a video of snapshots of Mom’s life set to beautiful and meaningful songs. The video played just after the pastor’s wonderful welcome. As it played, it brought tears to our eyes as we walked through memories Mom had shared of when she was young and then into the memories of our lives with her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was supposed to follow the video with a reading of the 23rd Psalm but had my daughter, Brandy, step in for me. The 23rd Psalm has been one of my favorites since I was little but I had been fighting sinusitis all week and was running on adrenaline with a less than trustworthy voice. Although the request was last minute and the reading, while known, was less familiar to her, and she had to follow that beautiful video, Brandy didn’t hesitate. As Jessie before her, she tugged my heartstrings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The first of three songs was “Faith of Our Fathers”; a hymn that Mom had told me years ago was one of her favorites. It’s one of those wonderful old hymns I was raised on. At Daddy’s memorial service we had sung “How Great Thou Art” because it was his favorite so I knew I couldn’t do Mom’s service without it. Leading it was my youngest daughter, Heather. Our crazy warm December also had her fighting a bug but her younger, trained voice was able to carry us through that song and warm our hearts with two solos later in the service, bringing tears to my eyes, her father’s and others in the audience.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Our next substitution stepped up to do a reading, John 14:1-7. I had penned my brother into the program but he preferred to avoid the public reading. No worries! Although she usually wants more time to prepare when she reads at her church, his wife, my sister-in-law, took the podium with just one practice run before the service and read the passage beautifully.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The pastor gave a message of hope that perfectly tied into Mom’s life, speaking of how Mom used her hands to care for, feed and clothe her family and tying that into the life of Jesus using stories such as when he calmed the sea.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My oldest brother stepped up next to deliver the eulogy, calling me his ghostwriter. As I had done for Daddy’s service, I wrote Mom’s story for Bob to read. Although my words, I knew he would make it his own and he did, bringing laughter here and there, adding little comments that rounded out my story. He acknowledged there were details about Mom’s childhood that he didn’t know and learned for the first time when he read through the eulogy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Next was the opportunity for others to share stories. At Daddy’s service various people from his past had come to the front to speak but when one lives 99 years, there are fewer people around who have lived long enough to tell stories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No one jumped up to share so my nephew, another substitution – this time for his father – stepped up to lead us through the Lord’s Prayer. Again, although asked at the last minute, this man that as a child wouldn’t speak to anyone but two cousins spoke out loud and clear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It wasn’t until later that my grandson said he was just getting up to speak but the moment was lost. I would love to hear what he was going to say and maybe someday he will tell me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As for me, although ideas had popped into my head during the week, I hadn’t taken time for any of them to solidify. It was a rough week in which I made several unfortunate mistakes and learned of others around me who were also dealing with the aftermath of mistakes. Given that, I would like to have told this story:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The other kids were gone from home and Mom and I would watch Mike Douglas and Phil Donahue in the afternoons. We discussed the many and varied guests and topics such as Gypsy Rose Lee (a famous stripper) and Madalyn Murray O’Hair (an atheist) or civil rights and abortion. I certainly wasn’t a worldly teenager (that’s an oxymoron in itself) and was, in fact, very naïve but I think I had the best mom in the world because I could express my opinions and she would discuss them with me but never told me what to think.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Along with that openness, Mom would always point out mistakes she made when making a garment or a quilt or some other item. If she found a mistake while making it, she would correct it but when found at the end, she would say that it just showed it was handmade. I always felt it was her way of saying that we try our best but we will make mistakes because we are human. Only God is perfect and yet he loves us in spite of our mistakes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Upon hearing about my week, Brandy reminded me of the things I taught her: “This too shall pass. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Don’t let a mistake define you.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I always told my children mistakes are just life lessons. My mom taught me that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-63332448698944967822015-11-15T16:59:00.000-05:002015-11-15T16:59:07.887-05:00A fitting end…<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Lord took Mom home today. At long last she is at peace and happy with Daddy in Heaven.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wz_rT4aN2Xg/Vkj-ezHV2II/AAAAAAAAYBI/56vq2JhLy3U/s1600/scan0004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wz_rT4aN2Xg/Vkj-ezHV2II/AAAAAAAAYBI/56vq2JhLy3U/s320/scan0004.jpg" width="211" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I knew at my visit on Monday that she was declining but as we learned with Daddy, you can’t be sure when it will happen. My sister visited that afternoon and also knew that the time was coming. We both saw that Mom was sleeping more – in fact, my sister found her in bed one afternoon. Mom had been a bit distressed so her aide thought she would be more comfortable in bed. As the week went on, she continued to decline.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The end finally arrived around noon today. It was a very fitting end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seventy-two years ago, my oldest brother was born while my Daddy was on board ship in WWII. Mom and Bobby spent the first couple years together, just the two of them, in northern Ohio where they had been living when Daddy left for the war. My grandparents lived in Cincinnati but Mom refused to move back because she and Daddy had made a home and he had a job to return to after the war.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6BE4vwF1FlA/Vkj92GacssI/AAAAAAAAYA4/Sc44CDkYwuA/s1600/1944%2B03%2BBobby%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6BE4vwF1FlA/Vkj92GacssI/AAAAAAAAYA4/Sc44CDkYwuA/s320/1944%2B03%2BBobby%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="182" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After the war, they did move back some time after my sister was born and began their life on the farm where they eventually added my two brothers and me to the family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We can move quickly through the wonderful years that came and went until 1986 when Daddy went into the nursing home and later that year, Mom moved in with my brother, Bob and his family. For the next 24 years Mom lived with her firstborn again, through the marriage of his children, the birth of his grandchildren and the passing of his wife, her daughter-in-law, and the Mom’s eventual descent into dementia.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">On May 7, 2010 Mom came to live with me and you have shared my journey with her through my blog. You have listened as I talked about the decision in May 2011 to move her into a facility and all the things I have learned in these last five years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It all came to an end today in a most fitting way. I was not there when she passed but I am thankful because I believe Mom’s life could not have ended more appropriately. My brother Bob was there with his family and she drew her last breath in his arms. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What could be more perfect than Mom being with him at the moment he drew his first breath and Bob being with her at the moment she drew her last.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1tQbGUPFuvU/Vkj-AJ1PbuI/AAAAAAAAYBA/ZQaAqfGzZWE/s1600/Bob%2Band%2BMom%2B20151115.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1tQbGUPFuvU/Vkj-AJ1PbuI/AAAAAAAAYBA/ZQaAqfGzZWE/s320/Bob%2Band%2BMom%2B20151115.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was taken moments before she passed. She was awake but obviously ready for the end.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I thank all of you who have listened to my story and I hope, in some small way, the lessons I have learned have been helpful to you.</span><br />
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JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-24212121143975027032015-11-12T09:19:00.000-05:002015-11-12T09:19:06.742-05:00For Mom or for Me?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lately Mom has been sleeping even more and wanting to eat even less. Those changes are a natural part of moving toward the end of a life well-lived.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-poaRA4HprXw/VkSeaaHZ-ZI/AAAAAAAAX-E/Q1imu-zEIoM/s1600/IMG_20151109_130723_542.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-poaRA4HprXw/VkSeaaHZ-ZI/AAAAAAAAX-E/Q1imu-zEIoM/s320/IMG_20151109_130723_542.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sweet Mom is sleeping on the couch. If they allowed her to nap in bed, she might wake up, get up and fall. <br />As she sleeps more, they will let her be comfortable in bed.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We watched as Mom took care of Daddy through this stage. She was with him every day from breakfast to dinner, feeding him all three meals because he was not able to do it himself. Although deep in the pit of Alzheimer’s the day came when Daddy firmly closed his lips and wouldn’t allow Mom to give him a bite. As it continued, Mom became concerned and allowed them to put in a feeding tube. He eventually began eating a bit again and the tube was removed but that experience told Mom that she would never make him do something again. It was his choice not to eat and she had taken that choice away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The next time Daddy closed his mouth and refused to eat, Mom accepted his decision. Although she possibly didn’t realize it at the time, his refusal was a natural part of the end of life process. You might think “process??” because I am talking about a living being but the body has its own processes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The National Institute of Health tells us <i>“People at the end of life sometimes suffer from nausea, vomiting, constipation, and loss of appetite.”</i> They explain further:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>“Losing one’s appetite is a common and normal part of dying -- eating near the end of life may actually cause more discomfort than not eating. A conscious decision to give up food and/or water can be part of a person’s acceptance that death is near.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Providing liquids or feedings via tubes in veins or in the stomach does not relieve hunger or thirst, so this is not recommended near the end of life. These types of treatments can also cause discomfort rather than helping the person feel better.”</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As the body begins to slow and shut down its normal functions, we can actually cause our loved one pain by insisting that they eat. They naturally have no desire to eat because their body is telling them it is shutting down their digestive system.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s hard to understand that our loved one isn’t “starving to death”. Dignityhealth.org tells us <i>“Remember, the person is not dying because she is not eating. She has stopped eating because she is dying. Starving is an emotionally loaded word that usually refers to someone who wants food and would eat it if he had some. But a person who has stopped eating and drinking has actually simply begun the natural process of dying. These persons rarely feel hungry and sometimes even the smell or thought of food is nauseating. “</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, as Mom is sleeping more and more and eating less and less, it is important to ask ourselves, “Am I doing this for Mom or am I doing this for me?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let’s let Mom decide.</span>JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-44659310151681795682015-09-21T17:01:00.000-04:002015-09-21T17:01:12.801-04:00Roles change again…<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I haven’t written in awhile. Mom has neither improved nor declined but continues to be content sitting each day holding her baby. While that is true, each visit can be vastly different from the last.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today I arrived after lunch to find her sitting in the rocking chair, not yet holding a baby. She looked up at me and smiled a big smile and said hello. We hugged – and she was actively hugging me – for a good minute and when I finally leaned back, she said, “I love you.” I melted. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We had a great visit although she was snoozing off and on. She would talk a bit and then drift off but come back a minute or two later. Food coma I would say. At one point she noticed a CD player sitting on the floor beside her chair and started investigating it. I thought that would be a good time to give her a baby to distract her and as I handed her the baby, she settled it in her arms.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2otDVSoxXOk/VgBvphfSaaI/AAAAAAAAW-c/8hEj3lgs3f8/s1600/IMG_20150921_132518.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2otDVSoxXOk/VgBvphfSaaI/AAAAAAAAW-c/8hEj3lgs3f8/s320/IMG_20150921_132518.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I drove away after our visit, I did something I do almost every time I visit. I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful mom and daddy. As usually happens too, I began to cry. It’s not a sad cry even though Mom today is not the mom she has been all my life. It’s a happy cry that I have been so blessed. I can only hope that someday my children feel about me as I feel about my mom.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While Mom remains the same, other things have changed. My brother, the elder of us five, has carefully watched Mom’s finances over the years. Last year, he alerted us that her savings would soon run out and we would have to supplement Mom’s income to pay for her care. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We could possibly reduce the cost of her care by moving her to a Medicaid facility. I haven’t investigated it but I think she would probably qualify but moving her would be traumatic and take her away from the staff members at her ALF who care for her every day. She is so happy and content that we made the decision to keep her where she is.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Time passed and Mom’s last bit of stocks lasted longer than my brother expected. We actually joked that we would be very happy if Mom spent all of her money before she decided to join Daddy in heaven. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Earlier this summer, the funds finally ran out. Mom still has her pension – I may have mentioned at some point that she is an annuity nightmare. Daddy set up his pension to go to Mom if he passed first. He did, but I know the annuity companies don’t expect anyone to live to 95, let alone 99 heading to 100!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The pension always more than covered her expenses while she was living with my brother and when she moved in with me. The savings she had accumulated over the years helped supplement that income when we moved her into the assisted living facility. With the savings gone, it is time for the tables to turn and now the children will support the parent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My three brothers and I split the cost over and above what Mom’s pension covers. My sister took over the purchasing of the incidentals such as Depends, wipes, gloves, shampoo, etc. There were no arguments or complaints, we just figured it out and arranged getting the payments to my brother so he could pay the bill. Again, I am so blessed to have a wonderful family!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Helping to pay for Mom’s care has brought another change to my life. It’s like having another car payment and our budget didn’t have room for that. The other option would have been to bring Mom home to live with us again but that is no longer feasible. Although I am in great health, I know that my back – I already have sciatica – would give out if I had to transfer her multiple times a day. So, I have gone back to work to make the money needed to pay my part. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes, especially when I’m working, I wish Mom was in a facility closer to me so I could see her every day but placing her near the rest of my family was the best decision. My sister and niece are there often and many other members of the family will stop by here and there. They wouldn’t be able to do that if I had placed her near me. So, I will be happy to work to help pay for her care and enjoy all the visits I can squeeze in.</span>JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-74477435402151294182015-06-01T19:40:00.000-04:002015-06-01T19:40:33.496-04:00Still Alice… Still Mom<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I watched the movie Still Alice yesterday. I read the book a few years ago and while it
wasn’t based on a true story, Lisa Genova’s research and resulting story is an
excellent first person account of life with Alzheimer’s. A movie can never catch the full flavor of a
book but the movie did provide insight into the mind of a loved one with
Alzheimer’s. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The movie also touched very lightly on the family dynamic –
something I’ve learned from firsthand experience in not only my own but others close
to me as well. Seeing how others are
handling it, I consider myself a very blessed person to have such wonderful
siblings!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Some people seem to think that Alzheimer’s, or any form of
dementia, appears overnight. They say, “It
can’t be dementia because she knows who we are” or “He doesn’t have Alzheimer’s
because he can tell you what he did today”.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That’s not the case, however. Dementia builds up little by little and
differently in different people. I’ve
told about Mom’s losses over time such as finding the word she wants to say,
forgetting how to sew, and more. For
Daddy, it was forgetting names and missing meetings. In either case it was nothing noticeable at
first and developed over time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In the movie, Alice was a world renowned professor of linguistics
– a lover of words – and the loss of her words was devastating to her. It was only the beginning of what she would
lose and, while the book played it out more completely, the movie did manage to
show how the stages progressed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As you may imagine, the slow progression of the disease may
cause family members to disagree about what’s happening with their loved
one. I find that to be a key topic on
the support forums and at our local Alzheimer’s support group. The gulf between the family members can widen
and seem impossible to close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Quite often it is the caregiver complaining that others in
the family don’t help or don’t get involved.
The caregiver assumes that no one else cares about them or the loved one
and while that may sometimes be the case, I think quite often there is more to
the story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are also times when a family member is upset that the
caregiver won’t discuss the situation with an open mind and lashes out at them
so they back away. Again, there may be more to the story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Neither situation helps anyone involved. There is probably common middle ground but
getting there may be difficult to navigate when the caregiver is in the
trenches and the others feel outside and unheard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I’ve said before, my family is great. I communicate through this blog and when I
need to communicate quickly or in more detail, I send an email to them
all. They were supportive when Mom was
living with us and continue to be since she has been living at the ALF. My sister would spend weekends with her when
she lived here so that we could get some time away and now she visits Mom
several nights a week, helping Mom eat her dinner and keeping another eye on
her care. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Do my brothers visit like my sister and I? No, but my oldest brother has overall POA and
handles all of Mom’s finances and I know all of them will be there if we need
them and because of that, I feel comfortable in my role overseeing Mom’s
care. Although I make all of the day to
day decisions for her care, I’m not alone in any decision that I want or need
help on. I always know my sister and my
brothers are there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom was our example to follow. She did it well. She did everything in Daddy’s best interest
and accepted it when we had to bring something to her attention. For example, she wasn’t happy when I told her
Daddy couldn’t drive anymore but she had no experience driving so she accepted
my opinion and Daddy stopped driving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish everyone’s family would be like mine. That isn’t the case but I do pray that others
will try to find common ground.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4V99W4IRyWI/VWzs5oJQ8OI/AAAAAAAAVWg/DHCH7l0Q694/s1600/IMG_20150523_183729_598.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4V99W4IRyWI/VWzs5oJQ8OI/AAAAAAAAVWg/DHCH7l0Q694/s320/IMG_20150523_183729_598.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She's telling me a great story!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-55410312739930826402015-04-21T16:58:00.000-04:002015-04-21T16:58:14.008-04:0099 Years… and Pennies from Heaven<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom turned 99 early in the month.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I can’t help but think that Daddy has to be wondering when her journey here with us will be complete and she can join him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know I wonder at times what more I should be learning from her at this point. There has to be something her presence here is meant to accomplish so I’m always thinking about her life’s twists and turns – or more appropriately now, her falls and bounces - and what I can learn from them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A party to celebrate was planned for a week later so my husband and I went to visit her on her birthday. I got out of the car and started walking toward the door when I saw a penny on the ground. My immediate thought was that Daddy wanted me to give Mom a hug for her birthday on his behalf.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Call me crazy but pennies have a deep meaning for me from my childhood and Daddy has always been a part of that. He taught me to save my pennies. I had a little iron bank shaped like a house to put them in and every so often, Daddy would take me to the bank to put them in my savings. In the years since his death, I can’t tell you the number of times they have appeared on the ground when something was weighing heavy on my mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Back in 2010, Daddy appeared to me in a dream very briefly. He was there just long enough to say Mom couldn’t be left alone anymore. I thought and thought about that and what we should do about it. Shortly after, I was driving to the store and made the decision to talk to my husband about leaving my job to take care of Mom. When I got out of my car, I didn’t take more than a few steps when I saw a huge bunch of pennies on the ground in front of me! Okay Daddy! I hear you!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although he’s on my mind often, I haven’t dreamed of Daddy since that dream in 2010. There are times when I begin to think that he’s spending all of his time watching over Mom because I go through long stretches of no pennies. Then all of a sudden there will be a penny on the ground in front of me, calling my name.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom enjoyed her birthday party. We don’t get a huge crowd for it – our family is truly huge – but those that aren’t busy with sports will usually come by. Enough of them drop by that Mom seems to understand her family is around her.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sshg38KhX-k/VTa4Vi3ZINI/AAAAAAAAUmo/ovfUKlg4bjw/s1600/IMG_20150411_134544.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sshg38KhX-k/VTa4Vi3ZINI/AAAAAAAAUmo/ovfUKlg4bjw/s1600/IMG_20150411_134544.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom and Hurricane together again. She sat beside her cake for a long time before reaching out her finger and getting a scoop of icing. She must have liked it because she ate a piece and some ice cream then we looked back again and she had pulled another piece over and eaten half of it!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">After the party, she said something to me that I hadn’t heard in a long time. She asked if she was going home with me. She seemed to want to go. I assured her she was home but inside I was struggling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As we’ve come closer to the time that we will need to help pay for her care, I’ve thought often about whether or not I could bring her back to live with me. She’s calmer now and sleeps a lot so seems easy enough, right?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nope. Mom needs more physical help now such as transferring from wheelchair to toilet, or bed to wheelchair, etc. I used to be able to do that but after hurting my back and shoulder last fall, I know I can no longer move her around.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I think God keeps reminding me that it’s not a good idea. Just when my shoulder starts to feel good, the weather will change or I’ll make a quick movement that sets it to aching. Or I'll hear from the home that Mom was up all night. Since Daddy hasn’t stepped in to say anything to me about it, I’m thinking he agrees she’s fine where she is.</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-11944155938091310242015-02-25T15:22:00.000-05:002015-02-25T15:22:16.098-05:00The lessons we learn…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Many of us probably remember saying things such as, “When I’m
a parent, I’m going to do things different than my parents did.” It’s not an unusual thing for a young person
to think when they are upset about being disciplined or being told no when they
want to do something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In my case, I really can’t remember feeling that way. As a matter of fact, I raised my children the
same way I was raised and as grandparents, my mom and dad treated their
grandchildren the same way they treated their children. I really appreciated that when they were
taking care of my children when I was working.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As the years went by, I continued to learn from my parents.
I learned about loving and caring – something that seems so easy but really
must be learned because as children we are very self-centered. I learned about
handling money, making decisions, raising and disciplining children, having a
good work ethic and so much more. I made mistakes, of course, and continue to
but I also was taught to learn from my mistakes – life lessons, I like to call
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom is soon to be 99 years old and she is still teaching me.
No, she isn’t who she used to be. I can’t go to her and ask her how to make a
pattern fit me properly or how to knit or crochet. That information is all lost
now. There are still lessons to be learned though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I watched indirectly as Daddy went down the path of
Alzheimer’s. I’ve been watching Mom journey through dementia. I’ve also watched
from afar as my former mother-in-law has dealt, for over 14 years, with the
aftermath of a traumatic bleed in her brain. I’ve watched as my husband’s
parents have aged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When Daddy died both he and Mom were 71 years old and Mom
was relieved he was somewhere better and no longer experiencing the Alzheimer’s.
Although she was ready to join him whenever God was ready, she continued her
life and kept busy for many years before dementia set in. Her journey continues
with no end in sight but thankfully, she has made it to the point where she is
content and happy to just sit and snooze or watch what is happening around her
and sometimes comment on it. She still laughs quite a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sahw8ipOiI0/VO4tCcwupSI/AAAAAAAASrQ/Jkm4_IIXu6o/s1600/IMG_20150223_134521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sahw8ipOiI0/VO4tCcwupSI/AAAAAAAASrQ/Jkm4_IIXu6o/s1600/IMG_20150223_134521.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My former mother-in-law has a different story because at the
age of 48, she lost the love of her life, my father-in-law, when he was just
51. The loss was totally unexpected and she still had three of their ten
children at home. She managed to continue but once the children were grown, was ready for God to take her. Fast forward to a
fateful day that might have been her last but for a friend taking her to the
hospital. Suddenly a creative advertising and marketing person had no words
with which to communicate and didn’t recognize her own family. It took years to
overcome some of it but not all came back and she has been mostly bedridden for over 10 years. Each
morning she shakes her fist at the crucifix because she doesn’t know why God is
keeping her here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My husband’s parents also have a different story. My
mother-in-law worked for a surgeon for many years and it was a very good thing!
She made sure I was taken care of when, shortly after marrying her son, I
suffered three consecutive bouts of flu and my immune system was shot. If it
wasn’t for her, my oldest daughter’s emergency appendectomy may have turned
into a nightmare because it was a Sunday evening and the ER staff didn’t want
to call in a surgical team. Mom (my mother-in-law) called her boss, who happened to be the Chief of Surgery, and within a half hour, he was at the
hospital operating on our daughter. We have more stories like those and we certainly
appreciate her role in them!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe because she spent so many years in the medical field,
Mom and Dad (my in-laws that is), in comparison to my own mom or my former
mother-in-law, are very dependent upon doctors. Dad has dealt with cancer and
heart issues over the years and Mom has had lymphedema for longer than I have
known her. As they have aged, the issues have compounded and there have been
times when we weren’t sure what the outcome would be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, as I watch how four very different people in my life are
handling the winter of their lives, I am still learning. I am formulating
opinions about how I want my care handled when and if I reach that stage and
how I feel about the end of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For now, I’m content to leave it all in God’s hands. I’m
sure the plan is in place – we just don’t know what it is.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-7639114056123421962015-01-16T14:29:00.000-05:002015-01-16T14:29:05.241-05:00The little surprises…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’ve been sick. For
over two weeks now I’ve been stuck at home. It was nothing horrible like the flu but a
sinus infection that decided to take my asthma out to play. That means no visits to Mom for that time
also.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This morning I was finally able to visit. Mom was sleeping soundly in her wheelchair
when I arrived, holding her baby doll on her lap. I gently checked her over, inspecting her
hands, her ankles, and rubbing her back so that she would slowly wake up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When she awoke, she looked at me with that little look that
says hello, whoever you are. She asked
me about the baby seemingly thinking I was there to see it. When I let her know I was there to see her,
she shrugged and started telling me about the baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She started removing the baby doll’s pajamas so I got out
some clothes and helped her put the clothes on the baby. As we worked, I talked a bit and called her
Mom. Her response? “Well, I don’t know about that.” :)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Our visit continued with Mom dozing off and on. At one point she awoke and I took the
opportunity to show her the pictures that I always go through of Grandpa and
Grandma and so on. She knew them right
away as she quite often does but today she surprised me! When I brought up the picture of her aunts,
she immediately pointed to each one and said, “That’s Aunt Sattie and Aunt
Emma and that's me.” Wow! That hasn’t happened in a very long time!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Fe7zhOQww7o/VLllxc9J1iI/AAAAAAAASWg/dqiuVGAqXjo/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Fe7zhOQww7o/VLllxc9J1iI/AAAAAAAASWg/dqiuVGAqXjo/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0006.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I continued through the pictures and she pointed here and
there at herself as a small child. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I
couldn’t tell if she recognized herself as a teenager or in her wedding picture.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When I got to the last, the one of our family
when I was little, I pointed and said the name of each family member and she
just smiled and nodded.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I couldn’t tell
if it was registering or not.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A short while later it was time to take her into lunch. Once there, she was trying to look back at me
to see who had wheeled her in so I got down where she could see me and she smiled
and said, “Oh, you’re mine.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The mom I knew for so much of my life has been gone a long
time and I miss her terribly but it’s those brief moments and little surprises
that grab my heart.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-58447751767388295822015-01-08T13:55:00.000-05:002015-01-08T13:56:38.846-05:0027 years ago a journey ended…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was 27 years ago today that Mom’s journey with Daddy,
their life together, ended. The “till
death do us part” became all too real.
They had lived through so many things together. Their teen years with school and church
activities, their marriage and moving away from family for Daddy’s job, the separation
of World War II, settling back home again to raise their five children on a
small farm and so much more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i-rzlw0qtN8/VK7RLOla_3I/AAAAAAAAST0/BslzEVbSWoQ/s1600/Shadowbox0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i-rzlw0qtN8/VK7RLOla_3I/AAAAAAAAST0/BslzEVbSWoQ/s1600/Shadowbox0001.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The majority of their life together held much of the “in
health” portion of their marriage vows.
There was very little of the “in sickness” part. Mom had an ovarian tumor that, once removed,
led to our family of five children, but otherwise there were just little
backaches here and allergies there.
Daddy never missed work other than a short fight with an unfriendly
kidney stone. Sad to say but I think I
brought more doctor visits into their lives with my once a year bouts of bronchitis
than they ever had to deal with themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That all changed when Alzheimer’s slowly drew them deep into
the “in sickness” part. When Daddy first
retired, he was forgetting things but he was still himself. His quiet, deep love for his God, his family,
his friends and his life was still evident.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They took time to travel – helping move my little family to
Montana and get us settled, visiting the next year with my sister and her
children, moving my little family back home, camping their way through Canada, and
flying to England for the birth of a granddaughter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Being at home during that time meant taking care of
grandchildren. Most days they had at
least six or eight and sometimes all of them.
I know they had my two and my sister’s four all the time. There was none of the “spoiling” going
on! I went to work knowing that my
children would have the same upbringing I did.
They played all day on the farm but had to behave properly. They were disciplined but definitely loved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2Zc8HYIpgGc/VK7RWRxkUAI/AAAAAAAAST8/ZmtaKfQ3E7k/s1600/Scan0005%2B(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2Zc8HYIpgGc/VK7RWRxkUAI/AAAAAAAAST8/ZmtaKfQ3E7k/s1600/Scan0005%2B(2).jpg" height="257" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Five of the six grandchildren that spent the most time with Mom and Daddy. My two on each end and three of my sister's in the middle.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As time went on, the grandchildren grew and went off to
school and no longer needed Grandma and Grandpa on a daily basis. Daddy’s Alzheimer’s progressed but Mom,
learning as she went, dealt with the changes.
Nine years after he retired the life changing moment came. In the time it took to give Daddy a sedative
he went from a physically healthy 69 year old who could still run and jump
fences to a man who could no longer walk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom had seen Daddy through so much of the decline but I
think God knew that Mom would not be able, physically, to handle the next
stages if Daddy’s mobility continued.
So, in that brief moment, He made sure that Mom would be able to see
Daddy through the remainder of their lives together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Daddy went into the nursing home and Mom was with him every
day from breakfast to dinner for two years.
She saw that he was fed and cared for and, even when he didn’t know her,
her love for him continued. She truly
exemplified the meaning of “in sickness and in health” and “till death do us
part”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom has been 27 years without Daddy now. As her journey through dementia continues,
the memory of Daddy is fading. There are
few days now when Mom recognizes his picture.
Despite that, I have full faith that when God is ready to take Mom home,
Daddy will be waiting for her and there will be much singing in heaven for
their reunion.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-18411731162446931142014-11-26T10:26:00.003-05:002014-11-26T10:27:43.234-05:00That's Grandma, That's Mom...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I arrived yesterday and Mom was sitting in her wheelchair, holding her baby and looking quite perky! She asked who I was and I told her I am her daughter, Jeannie, to which she replied, "Oh really?" with a big smile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Since she was in her wheelchair already, we cruised around the halls a few times and she watched as I took down her old torn shower curtain and replaced it with a new pretty curtain with blue flowers. Once I had it hanging, she declared it "pretty" and we continued our cruising.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We settled after a bit and she told me that "she" would be by. I thought she was talking about my sister so I pulled out my tablet to show her a picture. I pointed out my sister, Pat (to the right of Mom below) and Mom told me yes, that was her. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EdVLyCRUicI/VHXmJnyO1CI/AAAAAAAARhE/HHabNqJ1ScQ/s1600/IMG_20141115_123611.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EdVLyCRUicI/VHXmJnyO1CI/AAAAAAAARhE/HHabNqJ1ScQ/s1600/IMG_20141115_123611.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I continued to go through the family pictures, something I do quite often. This time she identified some, commented on others and a few times I had to keep from laughing. :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A28dPkq2D0Q/VHXot2h8ehI/AAAAAAAARhQ/7NrbFRbfYHg/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A28dPkq2D0Q/VHXot2h8ehI/AAAAAAAARhQ/7NrbFRbfYHg/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0001.jpg" height="320" width="290" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As almost always, when she saw the photo above, she immediately said, "That's Daddy." The next photo followed and she said, "That's Momma."</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6o3_zhyvXlk/VHXouPF4G3I/AAAAAAAARhM/g8eMLsu6lXQ/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6o3_zhyvXlk/VHXouPF4G3I/AAAAAAAARhM/g8eMLsu6lXQ/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0002.jpg" height="320" width="189" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The next photo is always the picture below of Mom with her Daddy and Momma. Sometimes she's unsure when she sees it but typically she knows it is the three of them. It was one of those days when she knew.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8S94kUuqgV4/VHXovPoZz1I/AAAAAAAARhc/CiMy2Q7_EPc/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8S94kUuqgV4/VHXovPoZz1I/AAAAAAAARhc/CiMy2Q7_EPc/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0003.jpg" height="320" width="243" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The next photo sometimes stumps her but this time she immediately said, "That's Grandma."</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_cXe-FpUF6E/VHXou2FyVvI/AAAAAAAARhg/Qi07THzHEOM/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_cXe-FpUF6E/VHXou2FyVvI/AAAAAAAARhg/Qi07THzHEOM/s1600/Mom%2BAlbum0004.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I continued through the pictures, Mom sometimes reaching out her finger to move the picture around or point to a particular person. Then I brought up the picture below.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P6df2rfoP8s/VHXqg_vhpjI/AAAAAAAARhs/lfsZijYh0XM/s1600/Sibs.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P6df2rfoP8s/VHXqg_vhpjI/AAAAAAAARhs/lfsZijYh0XM/s1600/Sibs.bmp" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I struggled to stifle my chuckles as she pointed first to me (center front) and very clearly said, "That's Grandma" and then pointed to my sister and also very clearly said, "That's Mom." I love her!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-79573537540522150412014-11-20T17:17:00.001-05:002014-11-20T17:17:52.643-05:00Standing up, falling down, edema here, edema there…<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Life goes on, even for my 98 year old mom, but not without its ups and downs. I just received the fourth call in less than a month telling me Mom was found on the floor in her room. They haven’t seen her fall because it was always at night. Last night they heard a sound and went in to check, finding her on her side near her recliner and wheelchair. As all the times before, they couldn’t find any injuries and she just wanted help getting up. Thankfully, it seems she is still bouncing.</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-3e4bbd06-cf43-ab6d-d9eb-ca9bd7fe7d08" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Falls during the day aren’t an issue at this point because she stays in her wheelchair or rocking chair in the living room. She is watched over there and as I’ve said before, from her vantage point in either chair, she can watch everything that happens there including all the comings and goings. If the activities don’t keep her interest, she just snoozes - by that I mean falling sound asleep. :)</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We aren’t sure what has her getting up at night. They speculate that maybe she had to go to the bathroom but we don’t know because she has typically fallen by her bed. Last night she was headed away from her bathroom given where she fell. If the timing continues, I may contribute it to the cycle of the moon because the falls have occurred within a day or two of the full or new moon.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Floating edema is another interesting thing we’ve experienced with Mom. Back in the 1970s she sprained her ankle while she and Daddy were camping. That ankle always had a tendency to swell after that injury. Fast forward to the last couple years and the ankle was swollen all the time. Last year when she was diagnosed with a mass in her abdomen, both ankles and her feet were swollen. The doctor thought it might be an indication that the presumed cancer was affecting her lymph nodes thereby causing fluid retention.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Interestingly, shortly after I bought her Foamtread slippers in May of this year, the swelling went away. Then suddenly her left hand swelled up like a balloon! The nurse at the facility initially thought it was cellulitis but we decided that wasn’t the case because the symptoms didn’t mesh.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Over the summer, her feet continued to be fine while her hand would swell and cause a bit of pain here and there, then suddenly, it would be almost normal. Since the end of September, her hand and feet have been normal. ?? When I visited the other day, her right ankle was swollen again although just a bit. It’s one of the mysteries of Mom!</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last weekend a few of us were able to attend the Thanksgiving dinner provided by the facility. They provided a wonderful meal and I watched my sister very lovingly and patiently feed Mom the meal. Mom can still feed herself but gets confused at times about how to go about it and I know my sister helps her eat when she visits in the late afternoon. Watching them at the Thanksgiving meal, I could tell that Mom enjoys the help and attention and it made me feel good to see the connection between the two of them.</span></span></div>
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JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-35661950713376992632014-09-05T09:06:00.000-04:002014-09-05T09:06:41.355-04:00I love the brief moments of clarity…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom’s routine continues.
Her aide awakens her in the morning and gets her dressed and then she
has breakfast in the dining room with all of the residents. After that, the majority of the twelve
residents gather in the living room for the morning news, exercise and one or
more activities. Mom sits in her rocking
chair there with a view of the entire area. Although she doesn’t participate in the
activities any longer, she holds her baby and watches everything happening
around her as the morning progresses, snoozing here and there. Twice each week her morning routine is
disrupted briefly for a shower which makes her tired and she snoozes more.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-maR8yOm_pKQ/VAmzjqTzgMI/AAAAAAAAQZY/26A6EIWCh1w/s1600/IMG_20140812_104351.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-maR8yOm_pKQ/VAmzjqTzgMI/AAAAAAAAQZY/26A6EIWCh1w/s1600/IMG_20140812_104351.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Snoozing after her morning shower.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Lunch time arrives and typically she is ready to go in the
dining room and eat.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The times she
refuses lunch are very few and far between.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She may be 98 but she still eats well, just small portions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There are more activities in the afternoon either in the living
room or the TV area. Her preferred seating
in either area allows her a view of the comings and goings of the staff and
visitors. It’s very different from when
she lived with my brother and later, me.
At our homes she spent all of her time looking out the windows, watching
everything happening in the neighborhood.
Now her neighborhood is indoors and has enough activity to keep her
interested.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Five o’clock comes and it’s time for dinner. Again, Mom eats well. My sister reports that sometimes she has to
remind her how to start eating but she seems to take off well once started.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Evening is more time for sitting and watching until it’s
time to get ready for bed. Days flow one
into another with the routine. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While her days may be consistent, we never know exactly what
we’ll find day to day. Mom, for the most
part, is past her combative stage, although it will pop up here and there,
mainly at shower time. She is definitely
past her anxious stage – at least what seemed anxious for my very laid back
Mom. She typically smiles at everyone
and I hear that she is pleasant. I know
when I arrive she is always pleasant.
She just doesn’t always know who I am.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I always carry my tablet and I use it to show Mom pictures
of family. I start with her “momma” and “daddy”
because she can always recognize at least one of them, usually both. I move on to pictures of Daddy or her and
Daddy and mention that he is her husband and my daddy with each picture. I tell her that she is my mommy and I am her
daughter. Her response varies each time
but if she didn’t recognize me as “hers” when I arrived, she usually knows by
the time I leave.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If things are going well, I’ll move on to pictures of me and
my siblings and I go through the names.
I was at that point the other day when, in a brief moment of clarity,
Mom looked at me and said, “You were named after my mom.” Indeed I was!
My middle name comes from my grandma’s middle name!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">She is seldom “here” but when she is, it pulls at my
heartstrings.</span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-88535852860148939002014-08-02T15:48:00.002-04:002014-08-02T15:48:27.181-04:00Recap of Hospice Lessons Learned…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I have said, hospice is no longer a wonderful group of
people supporting those that are dying and their loved ones. Hospice is now big business and most are for
profit, not non-profit. The more money
they bring in, the better. The people
working in them may have hearts of gold but they are driven by their
corporations to bring in more clients and if it appears they might be needed
then they are helping, right? Important
to remember when speaking to hospice representatives: if they don’t fully understand their services,
the charges for those services, and how they will be paid, how will you?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The one line that angers me more than any other when talking
to a hospice representative now is, “Well, Medicare pays that amount per diem
so that’s what we charge…” It doesn’t
seem to matter if the actual services provided warrant the per diem charges. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Think about it – we hear so much about how long Medicare and
Social Security will be able to support the population. At the same time, corporations have learned
to work the system and cause a constant drain on Medicare funds for unneeded
services.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, when considering hospice, first make sure you have
answers to these questions…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>DOES YOUR LOVED ONE REALLY NEED HOSPICE? </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hospice is supposed to be called in when your loved one has
only six months or less to live. They
are supposed to help you cope with the impending loss and help keep your loved
one comfortable until the end of life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alzheimer’s and the other forms of dementia don’t run on
timetables so how do you know? Keep an
open conversation with your loved one’s physician. If they have been following your loved one
for a long time, they should have an idea when the end game is coming or there
is a lot of pain to be managed and hospice would be helpful. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You don’t need hospice for routine care of your loved one if
they are already living in a nursing home or assisted living facility and
receive routine care from the staff. For example, Mom takes no meds and has no
pain to be managed. She is still
somewhat ambulatory and all of her needs can, and are, provided by the staff of
the assisted living facility. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hospice provides those services (showering/bathing, etc.)
these days and if your loved one is at home, those services may be necessary
and much appreciated. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>DO YOU HAVE MEDICARE AND IF SO, DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
MEDICARE?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hospice representatives assume if you are 65 or over that
you have Medicare and hospice will be covered.
There are many who do not have the Medicare coverage needed to pay for
hospice! If your loved one has never
paid into Social Security, nor had a spouse that paid in, your loved one may
not be covered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Daddy is a good example of that situation. As a teacher, he was considered a state
employee. Neither Social Security nor
Medicare deductions were taken from his paycheck. Instead, he had a pension that would pay
instead of Social Security and he had a health plan that would stay with him
throughout his life. Mom was a homemaker
but as his spouse, she was the beneficiary of his pension and his health plan
even after his death.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even though I worked in a health insurance company for over
20 years, I didn’t know that Mom didn’t have full Medicare. I knew she had the health plan, but she also
has a Medicare card. I now know there is
a difference between her card and others.
Her card has an “M” at the end of her social security number and states
Medical (Part B) Benefits Only. Because
she’s never been hospitalized, I didn’t realize that she only had physician
coverage until the bills for hospice started coming in. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>DO NOT SIGN HOSPICE PAPERS UNLESS YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND THE
CHARGES!</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I signed the paperwork for hospice, the representative
evidently was assuming Medicare would pay and I didn’t know better. There was a page where she could list the
insurance copays, deductibles and out of pocket maximums but she marked them
with zeros. The bottom of the page had a
table of services at per diem, per hour or per visit fees but there were no
fees listed and the section had a line through it. Talk about misleading!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don’t let a hospice representative lead you by the nose as I
did! Make sure they fill in the actual
fees that will be charged and what the out of pocket costs will be, if
any. Know what you are getting into
before you sign. I trusted them and was
blindsided.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t want to go without giving an update on Mom. She’s doing well as always and takes care of
her “baby” every day. She doesn’t always
know I belong to her but she’ll smile and loves hugs and kisses. She’s still happy to see great
grandchildren when they visit, too. :)</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0_WDG48J-bw/U90_rRdLS2I/AAAAAAAAPY0/m_rwVJ_-_zc/s1600/IMG_20140725_113041.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0_WDG48J-bw/U90_rRdLS2I/AAAAAAAAPY0/m_rwVJ_-_zc/s1600/IMG_20140725_113041.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-59636394562852235812014-05-20T19:42:00.000-04:002014-05-20T19:42:40.150-04:00Hospice is gone! I just wish I had learned that lesson quicker…<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I continued my efforts to investigate the cost of Mom’s
care. As I said before, the facility had
just a minor glitch and quickly fixed it.
I then started the audit of the hospice charges of almost $3,800 per
month. My first step was to ask the
hospice provider for an itemized bill from the beginning of the year when they
took over Mom’s care. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After more than a week and emails back and forth, I finally
received a print out of the charges.
Sounds good, right? Nope. Their “itemized” bill just showed daily
charges of almost $121 per day for each day of the month. Oh my goodness! For that amount, they should have been with
her daily for at least half a day!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My next step was to request all of Mom’s medical and care
records. Although they already had my
paperwork showing that I have health care power of attorney, they insisted I
fill out a form for their records. I can
understand that in other situations but in this case, I filled in my name as
the both the requester and the approver of the request because Mom is unable to
do that – hence the HCPOA paperwork that was done some years ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Once they received the form, they were willing to send me
the records and I asked that they email or fax them to me. My contact came back to say they would have
to overnight them because there were more than 300 pages. When I questioned it, she told me that “there’s
been a lot done”. Hmmm…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I received the package and reviewed the pages. It really didn’t take long once I figured out
that each encounter generated between 5 and 10 pages filled with the same
information. The actual visits to Mom totaled about 14 a
month with individual visits lasting typically less than one hour:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">Showering provided twice a week</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">A nurse visit once a week</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">A visit from the chaplain once a month</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -0.25in;">A visit from the social worker once a month</span></li>
</ul>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, that comes to about $270 an hour.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I’ve said before, hospice is a good thing in many
instances. Hospice provides family
counseling, medication and case management for the patient, and other
services. For a family going through the
journey of a loved one with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia for the
first time, it would be helpful to guide them through the later stages.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For my family, this isn’t our first rodeo. We lived it with Daddy and Mom, as Daddy’s
caregiver, set the best example possible for us to follow now. We’re ready for what comes whether it be
tomorrow or five years from now. We just
want Mom happy and comfortable until that time comes and given that Mom doesn’t
take any medication and isn’t having pain from the mass in her abdomen, the
care she receives 24/7 from the staff at her home is all she needs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, I signed the order today to stop hospice.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Over the past week, after discussions with
the management at Mom’s home and her caregiver, I have purchased a wheelchair,
a rolling shower commode, and a gel mattress overlay for the bed they will
provide for Mom.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I purchased all that
for less than 13% of just one month’s hospice charge!</span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-4400377877675500252014-05-04T13:12:00.001-04:002014-05-04T13:12:36.982-04:00And she sleeps...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I left to visit Mom this morning, I planned to manicure her nails. They have gotten very long but I've been visiting with little one(s) in tow and haven't had the opportunity to do the job. My sister always carries a file and she keeps them smooth but Mom's nails, like mine, grow unbelievably fast. Must be where I get that trait.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So, I arrived today to find Mom sound asleep in her favorite rocking chair, legs sprawled out in front of her. It was so cute. She had slid down a bit and every once in awhile, she would use her feet to rock - just a bit. I touched her and rubbed her arm a bit, even gave her a kiss, but she didn't wake up. She opened her eyes at one point and saw me but I don't think it really registered because she fell right back. All the while, she was sitting right next to the computer and speakers that the RNA was using to play the Price is Right and Who Wants to be a Millionaire with the residents. She was not sitting in a quiet area! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I got out the clippers and file thinking that the manicure would wake her up. Nope! I did both hands, clipped and filed, and she never opened her eyes. Changed position slightly at one point but didn't wake. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As she slipped a little lower in the chair, the RNA and I worked together to lift her and put the chair cushions in their proper place. Still she didn't wake. I rubbed her back before leaning her back into the chair. Still didn't wake. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">God love her! I know I do!</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NhaIBIEmWdc/U2Zx9ldGXKI/AAAAAAAANIY/5bYp3GrsZHY/s1600/IMG_20140504_110612_536.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NhaIBIEmWdc/U2Zx9ldGXKI/AAAAAAAANIY/5bYp3GrsZHY/s1600/IMG_20140504_110612_536.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sound asleep but all manicured!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-22462974812084263432014-04-29T16:09:00.000-04:002014-04-29T16:10:35.362-04:00Hospice is good when needed but not in Mom's case...<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom continues to be the same - good vitals, eats well, happy to sit, watch and snooze. Holds her baby all the time and, as I found again today, is very surprised at the weight of a real baby when she has the opportunity to hold one. :)</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iTNEfp7DHZs/U2AEtkuN1lI/AAAAAAAANFI/TRp7HwzkMJo/s1600/IMG_20140429_112420_414.jpg" height="180" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying her great granddaughter again - and boy is she heavy!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I continue on my endeavor to minimize her expenses without compromising her care and happiness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I finished the audit of her ALF expenses and found only a small error over the course of the three years. It was recent and just an oversight. Hospice took over bathing Mom and the ALF forgot to remove that from the service plan. They were very responsive to my concerns and they are crediting the charges.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I mentioned in a previous post, I had the oxygen machine returned. Mom had never used it and my research revealed that there is now a monthly oxygen charge whether it is used or not. It used to be that charges were for actual use. Big change!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Looking further into the charges and services provided by hospice, I was shocked to find claims submitted to Mom's insurance company in amounts between $3,400 and $3,800 a month! Oh my goodness! They check her vitals weekly and bathe her twice a week. She takes no meds and requires nothing medically. What in the world are we paying for??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm still trying to find that answer but while I'm waiting for an itemized bill, I've asked the ALF to see if there are any services that hospice provides that they can't.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It would be different if Mom had medical issues other than the possibility of a hemorrhage that gives her no pain. Hospice is not with her 24/7 like the ALF staff is so the likelihood of them being on site if Mom hemorrhages is slim to none. It is far more likely that anything that happens will be handled by the ALF staff and Mom is used to them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While hospice is a good thing in many cases, Mom just isn't one of those cases. I anticipate eliminating their services in the next couple of weeks.</span>JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-40223726585206505082014-04-23T14:49:00.001-04:002014-04-23T14:49:35.746-04:00She's still walking!<p dir="ltr">I now take care of my four month old granddaughter every day and yesterday I took her to visit Mom.  Mom was so happy to see her!  She told her, "Grandma loves you!"</p>
<p dir="ltr">We arrived just as Stephanie was getting ready to bathe Mom. Mom was in her rocking chair in the living room rather than her wheelchair so we stood her up and she walked with Stephanie back to her room. That was quite a way but I think seeing her great granddaughter put a spring in her step. :-) </p>
<p dir="ltr">Mom didn't complain about starting the process but once her clothes were removed, she started her normal fussing. She was shaking her fist at Stephanie and I stepped in, telling her that she had to have a bath and it would be okay. I started the water and got it warm to show her she would like it. She calmed down but said she would just leave! I fell back to a couple of our old conversations, telling her that she could leave when God's ready for her but until then Grandma (her mama) said she had to have a bath. It doesn't always work but it did again this time!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Although not a long visit, it was a good one. Mom didn't know names but she recognized our relationship and had lots to talk about. I love those kind of visits!</p>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-45540307957201792772014-04-13T14:17:00.000-04:002014-04-13T14:22:02.752-04:00What’s really needed as Mom turns 98?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last weekend we had an open house at the ALF for Mom’s 98<sup>th</sup>
birthday. She was thrilled to see
everyone and definitely enjoyed her ice cream and cake! The day was sunny and bright and although it
was too chilly for her to go out in the courtyard, we were able to keep the
door open and family members were able to check out the facility’s courtyard
and enjoy the sunshine.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ukIzRkxQ_Vk/U0rUC8FclMI/AAAAAAAAM14/NYRe9ae30T4/s1600/IMG_20140406_132620_931.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ukIzRkxQ_Vk/U0rUC8FclMI/AAAAAAAAM14/NYRe9ae30T4/s1600/IMG_20140406_132620_931.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Leading up to and now after her birthday, I can’t help but
wonder what is really needed for Mom.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She spends her days in her wheelchair or her favorite rocking chair
holding her favorite baby doll.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She
enjoys sitting where she can view the entire room and into the dining area so
she can see everyone who walks in the door and what the various workers and
residents are doing.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When she is awake,
that is.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She snoozes a lot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6nmTff91a0U/U0rUC-ZSITI/AAAAAAAAM14/xt8fEUCkLNY/s1600/IMG_20140331_104528_477.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6nmTff91a0U/U0rUC-ZSITI/AAAAAAAAM14/xt8fEUCkLNY/s1600/IMG_20140331_104528_477.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy day when she gets to hold a great grandchild!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She’s not able to stand for very long and can walk only
short distances with help. That, and the
fact that she has forgotten all the ways to care for herself, means she has to
have help with dressing, baths and toileting.
At times she even needs to be reminded how to eat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She’s definitely where she needs to be – in an assisted
living facility where they help her with all those “activities of daily living”
and understand that her memories are fleeting.
Her memories come and go from moment to moment but she is happy in her “home”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Living in a facility is very expensive whether it is a
nursing home or an assisted living facility.
The decision to place a loved one requires a lot of financial planning
and quite often funding from Medicaid.
Not all facilities accept Medicaid and we knew Mom’s did not when we
placed her there. We had to plan for Mom’s
expenses to be paid from her income as Daddy’s surviving spouse. We really like the facility and so does Mom
so as time goes on and fees rise, it’s our job to find ways to keep her there
and also watch over the expenses she is charged to make sure they are needed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Late last year I submitted paperwork to the VA to apply for
Aid and Attendance benefits for Mom. As
the spouse of a veteran who served during a war (Daddy was in WWII), she is
entitled to a monthly benefit. She
received her first payment on April 1 and while it is not a large amount, it
helps.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve recently audited the charges from the ALF and my next
step is to look into hospice costs. When
hospice was first suggested, it was because there was suspicion of a problem in
her abdomen and finding the mass set the hospice wheels in motion. It seemed at the time to be initiated for a
good reason and I was told that Medicare would pay for it all. That might be true for most but as it turns
out, not for Mom. Daddy was a teacher
and she is covered under his medical as his survivor. The only Medicare they were entitled to was
Part B (physician) which doesn’t cover hospice.
The medical plan is actually the primary payer for Mom’s hospice
expenses.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here we are, seven months later and there has been no change
in Mom’s condition. It fluctuates as it
always has but nothing out of the normal range.
She’s not in pain, not on any medication and they’ve put an oxygen machine
in her room that she has never used. Her
vitals are always good when the hospice nurse comes once a week. I know she has a ticking time bomb in her
abdomen that could hemorrhage at any moment but does that really require more
watching than she gets from the ALF nurse and aides? My siblings and I joke that Mom will still be
here to see 105!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s possible that the hospice expenses are less than if the
same services are provided by the ALF so it may make sense to have hospice
overseeing her care given her condition.
It’s something I will begin investigating this week and checking to see
if Mom needs everything provided – I’m thinking the oxygen can go if nothing
else.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-89170620321640729882014-02-02T15:07:00.000-05:002014-02-02T15:07:41.163-05:00The secret to a long life? Keep getting out of bed…<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom’s routine has settled again with the new hospice provider. Stephanie comes three times a week – twice to bathe her and once to check in. Lea, her nurse, comes once a week to check on her. The social worker stops by and so does the minister. The minister does a little service once a month and he has Mom sit right next to him for it. He knows about her many years of being active in her church and uses that to make a connection between them. She seems to feel right at home sitting there by him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Mom has also won the fight against pneumonia again. It developed at the beginning of January when the confusion over the hospice change delayed the administration of Mucinex to help her fight what started as a head cold. It took a few weeks but she is doing much better and the cough seems to have abated. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While she is definitely doing better, I notice that each time she battles something it is taking a little bit more of her. She spends a lot of time snoozing now, sometimes to the point that you think she can’t be comfortable sleeping so hard sitting up. She wakes up and talks a little, takes care of the baby she is almost always holding, and checks on what is happening around her before nodding off again.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uHP4AUOMsM0/Uu6k3hhwKDI/AAAAAAAAMFw/z-LeiJ1I9uY/s1600/IMG_20140120_112259_753.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uHP4AUOMsM0/Uu6k3hhwKDI/AAAAAAAAMFw/z-LeiJ1I9uY/s1600/IMG_20140120_112259_753.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom meets her newest great grandchild.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She still eats well at her meals although she is quick to let them know if there is something on her plate that she doesn’t want. Much like my 5 year old grandson, she refuses to touch anything else on her plate until the offending food is removed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The wheelchair has become a regular part of her life and she spends a lot of time in it but she still walks with help when she’s feeling chipper. She’s certainly not ambulatory like she used to be but she hasn’t decided to give up! They keep an alarm on her (a box attaches to her chair with a cord that attaches to her clothes) to alert them at those times when she decides she wants to get up on her own. They recently changed the type of alarm when they found her walking around one day holding the box in her hand so it wouldn’t go off. Leave it to Mom! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Watching the changes in Mom’s life unfold, it dawned on me recently that there is a reason Mom has lived such a long life. Each and every morning, she gets out of bed for a new day. It doesn’t matter if it is a good day or bad or if she is dealing with a sickness such as diarrhea or pneumonia, she gets out of bed. I don’t remember a day in my life when she has stayed in bed for any reason.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Daddy was the same way. He had gotten up every day of his life to greet the new day, good or bad, even when Alzheimer’s was getting the best of him. A week before he lost his ability to walk and went into the nursing home, he ran a quarter mile and jumped three fences. It took two more years of greeting each new day in the nursing home, unable to walk, before Alzheimer’s finally wore him down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I’m thankful that Mom and Daddy gave us that example. I have been retired since I left work to take care of Mom but I still get up at 6:00 am every morning, Monday through Friday, to start my day and help my husband get a good start on his. I “sleep in” on the weekends until 7:00 am, sometimes 7:30, but I can’t sleep later because I just feel the need to get the day started. I hope I’ve passed on that need to get started to my children...</span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-51160594060851545052014-01-03T14:47:00.000-05:002014-01-03T14:47:19.598-05:00Check out your hospice provider! Are they covered under your plan?
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Mom was put on hospice in September.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the time, her assisted living facility
offered their parent company’s hospice services and I thought that sounded easy
and that communication would be improved because they were under the same
umbrella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were hiccups along the
way but my job is to straighten it all out and straighten I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The train appeared to be running smoothly on
the track.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suddenly this week, we experienced a derailment!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Monday, December 30, I received a call
from hospice saying there was a problem with billing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had not been able to submit any billing
for the services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was told that they
would look into it and find a new hospice provider and it would be a seamless
transition for Mom.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Tuesday morning, December 31, I received another call
stating that Mom’s insurance provider was indicating that Mom’s coverage ended
that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having worked at a health
insurance company for 20+ years, I said that was correct and if you call
tomorrow (January 1) they will also say coverage ends as of December 31 – of 2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was trying to discover what hospices were
participating providers for Mom’s plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anticipating that, I had already looked and was able to give her the
name of a hospice that was covered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Maybe I was being naïve but in all my years of working in
the health insurance field, I have never known a provider of any kind to begin
treatment without checking to ensure they were a participating provider and
would be paid for their services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Evidently
I just found one that doesn’t…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would
think that it would have taken less than three months for them to realize they
were unable to submit a claim?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just as I was sitting down to eat lunch that day I received
a call from the new hospice provider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The prior hospice provider’s three month oversight suddenly required an
emergency on my part and the part of the new hospice provider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was asked to squeeze in a trip to Mom’s to
sign papers prior to my commitment to my grandchildren that afternoon for New
Year’s Eve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lovely!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The changeover was much more relaxed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first day with the first provider I felt
like a train was running over me – not because of Mom’s diagnosis but because
of the number of stressed out hospice people all there talking to me at
once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went home exhausted that day!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time Mom and I sat with one nurse and I signed the
papers, provided Mom’s medical ID cards, and we talked about the calls I would
receive over the next few days from various people who would be visiting, checking
and helping Mom.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve received those calls and will now need to keep a close
watch to ensure things are going smoothly again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today the question of Mom’s coverage came up
again with the new provider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They said
the insurance carrier was stating that Mom’s coverage ended on December 31,
2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assured them that she was
covered, checked online and called them back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I asked what ID number they were using. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The ID number was the issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although Mom’s ID number had not changed, they were still calling in to
the automated system with the number given to them by the previous
provider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Daddy’s ID number, not
Mom’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know if I call the insurance
provider, they have Mom’s coverage tied to Daddy because she is still covered
under his plan until she passes - even though he died in 1988.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her ID
cards, that I have shared with the ALF, the first hospice and now the second,
show her ID number and that is the number that has to be used for the insurance
company’s automated system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Issue
resolved…</span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-69512378445250648202013-12-28T10:31:00.000-05:002013-12-28T10:31:35.504-05:00She’s still here but it was the first Christmas without her…
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wednesday was hard for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We’ve been on a roller coaster leading up to Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I received a call on Tuesday evening, a week
before Christmas, saying Mom had fallen again but seemed to be doing fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day, as we were enjoying the birth
of our sixth grandchild earlier than planned, I received another call that Mom
was complaining of pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nurse had
checked her out and Mom had a red spot on her knee but was able to move
everything with just a wince here and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The nurse and I opted for a wait and see approach because so far Mom’s x-rays
have always come back negative for breaks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just as we were getting to our daughter’s room to see our
new granddaughter, we learned my father-in-law had been admitted to the same
hospital on the same day for what they initially thought was gall bladder.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qVgfIj5KLb4/Ur7t6zi79zI/AAAAAAAALss/3ywNOrfwmRk/s1600/IMG_20131218_124346_315.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qVgfIj5KLb4/Ur7t6zi79zI/AAAAAAAALss/3ywNOrfwmRk/s320/IMG_20131218_124346_315.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next few days were busy with my husband and me going
different directions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me to the hospital
for our youngest daughter and her first child or heading home to be with our
five year old Hurricane in the afternoons after kindergarten and my husband to
work and the hospital to be with his dad or taking care of his mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Add in some other activities with our older
grandchildren – a choir concert, some other running – and you get a feel for
the days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There wasn’t a way to add in a
visit to Mom so I am very thankful my sister stepped and kept an eye on Mom for
me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All the while that was happening we were also getting ready
for Christmas with our children and grandchildren on the Saturday before
Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Santa comes early to our home
so that our children can visit the other side of their families on Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a rough patch when it looked like our
son would have to work but he rescheduled and our gathering went well although
we missed our youngest because she was home recovering from the C-section.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The hospital was no longer in play after my father-in-law’s
issue was identified and treated and he was able to return home on Sunday so I
was finally able to get up to see Mom again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was moving fine with no complaints.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were again trying to keep her in her
wheelchair but she was not happy about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Evidently they were telling her that her daughter (this time referring
to my sister) wanted her in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to
keep from laughing when Mom said in a disgruntled manner, “You tell your sister…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rest wasn’t decipherable but I’m betting
it had to do with the wheelchair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christmas Eve came and another chink was taken out of my armor
when I received a call from my second daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She had a seizure just as her family was getting ready to celebrate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She managed to get a couple pictures of the
tree before but missed watching her sons open their presents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve dealt with this most of her life but it
doesn’t keep me from wishing I could fix it for her…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Christmas morning was bright and sunny and really cold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband and I went to visit Mom prior to
the usual festivities at my brother’s house where most of Mom’s children,
grandchildren, great and great-great grandchildren meet for lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had planned to take Mom again this year
but it was so cold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it was nearing
time to go, I asked Melissa, Mom’s aide, her opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She agreed that Mom didn’t need to go out in
the cold and assured me Mom wouldn’t notice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Another chink in my armor occurred as I made the final decision to leave
Mom in the warmth of her home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the
first time since Mom and Daddy were married, Mom was not at Christmas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RUJJpdvbV5o/Ur7uTclvnjI/AAAAAAAALs0/rMMnMgZCX0E/s1600/IMG_20131225_110043_418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RUJJpdvbV5o/Ur7uTclvnjI/AAAAAAAALs0/rMMnMgZCX0E/s320/IMG_20131225_110043_418.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-3090422651043124812013-11-27T16:20:00.000-05:002013-11-27T16:20:15.935-05:00Wheelchair… Walking… Walking… Wheelchair
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never know what I will find when I arrive at Mom’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days her wheelchair is in her room or
off to the side of the living room and other days she is sitting in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I leave it to Melissa and the other aides to
keep an eye on her and they seem to have a good handle on how she is doing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last week I arrived to find her sitting happily in her
rocking chair in the living room, holding the baby. After a nice visit, I walked her all the
way to her chair in the dining room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
usual, it took her a minute to stand and get her legs under her and it was slow
walking, but she did it happily and like it was the normal thing to do.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On Saturday, we joined her for the home’s Thanksgiving
dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I arrived just before noon to
find her in her wheelchair and Melissa had dolled her up and fixed her
hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked so cute and very happy
to see everyone!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She ate every bit of
her meal and half of her pumpkin pie before she was full.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t long however, before we could see
how tired she was and that she was trying her best to stay awake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally told her it was okay to snooze and
snooze she did!</span></div>
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I arrived Tuesday to find her freshly bathed and sitting in
her wheelchair visiting with the hospice nurse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom was running a temperature and the nurse said her heart was racing
but you never would have known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was
smiling and laughing and talking non-stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She had refused her breakfast that morning so while it was hard to tell
at the moment, it was obvious that she wasn’t feeling well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was also one of those definite wheelchair
days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed to raise her up just
enough to put the alarm under her that goes off if she tries to stand up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She struggled to get out of the chair even
with my help and couldn’t stand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The difference between good days and bad days is amazing!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just glad she seems happy either way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While the nurse and I were talking with Mom, the nurse
mentioned the possibility of Mom suddenly hemorrhaging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The doctor wanted everyone around Mom to know
that, given Mom’s tumor is bleeding regularly although a small amount, she
could suddenly hemorrhage and there would be a huge amount of blood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t want anyone to become scared or
panic if it happened.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Luckily for me (or not), I have experienced it myself so am
aware of what it is like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My grandma,
Mom’s mom, died from a hemorrhage so it evidently runs in the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also know that if it happens to Mom at this
stage, it will take her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
prepared and I believe my family is also.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All that said, the next time I see her she will probably be
walking again…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bet Daddy is wondering when she will
finally give up and join him!</span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8679310763657468556.post-28116588416735860042013-11-01T20:55:00.000-04:002013-11-01T20:55:17.425-04:00Spills, Chills and What is the Plan?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s easy to see the difference between Alzheimer’s, which
is a form of dementia, and Mom’s version of dementia. Daddy had early onset Alzheimer’s and he
forgot how to walk after being given a normal dose of sedative for a man his
size. He and Mom have never taken
medication so it hit him hard and it was three days before he was awake and
aware. He forgot a lot in that time and
some skills, like swallowing, we were able to restore, but the walking was
gone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When Mom broke her arm, she forgot how to cut the quilt
blocks that she had been cutting for years.
She went through a time then when she was losing skills. Now she has just a few basic skills left –
eating, walking and knowing when she has to use the bathroom. Learning new skills is definitely gone. Introducing a wheelchair now requires
learning something new. It’s just not
happening…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Although the aides encourage her to stay in her chair, Mom
will still get up and walk. Last week,
she fell again and hit her head this time.
She ended up with a rug burn over one eyebrow that has scabbed
over. As usual, she was chatty as the
nurse checked her over and came away with just the wound on her eyebrow and a
bruise on her elbow.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZyZZR24ffJI/UnRMV_UrT0I/AAAAAAAAKZQ/ud3ttrC-nHU/s1600/IMG_20131025_103349_582.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZyZZR24ffJI/UnRMV_UrT0I/AAAAAAAAKZQ/ud3ttrC-nHU/s1600/IMG_20131025_103349_582.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's small but the scab on her eyebrow is definitely there.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My sister was able to check on Mom right after her fall so I
went up the next day and ran into some more fun!</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was greeted with a hug by one of the other
residents when I walked in the door and shortly after arriving, I had to take
care of Mom in the bathroom.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She has been
dealing with diarrhea for a few years now so I thought nothing of that until
later when they told me she had refused her lunch the day before but had eaten
well that morning.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few minutes later
Mom had to head to the bathroom again and while I was taking care of her, the
resident who had initially greeted me vomited in the living room.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Evidently a bug was making its way around the
home – and I was sitting in the middle of it!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Falls and bugs are inevitable in any assisted living
facility or nursing home. Having raised
a daughter with epilepsy, I know only too well that I can’t stop falls from
happening. There’s no stopping bugs
either. Someone comes to visit or
someone comes in to work without knowing they are carrying a bug. Next thing you know, one of the residents
becomes ill – and so it starts.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While I’ve been checking on Mom and following the transition
to hospice, I’ve also been checking into the possibility of getting another
job. I keep thinking I need to make some
money so I can help with Mom’s bill but every time I think I have a something
lined up, there is a new development. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I worked all summer but then Tina left and I was faced with
the transition to a new aide for Mom. At
the same time, Hurricane was struggling with his transition to kindergarten and
needed me to perform some Grandma duties.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was looking at a new job and Mom was suddenly put on
hospice and another transition began and is ongoing. I considered another and then another and each
time an issue of some kind popped up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve always trusted that God would guide me if I just listen
for his plan. I’m trying very hard to
listen now and figure out if I’m supposed to work or take care of my
family. I do hope it all comes clear
soon. Meanwhile, I’ll take care of my
husband, watch over Mom and keep Hurricane out of trouble!</span></div>
JollyJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10692983127566829642noreply@blogger.com0